Tuesday 27 October 2020
Tuesday 13 October 2020
Death Is Nothing At All
Death Is Nothing At All
A Poem by
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Saturday 3 October 2020
season end
The season ends
a pike travelling upstream
spawns, the bluebells spread
across the fields
and trees shed their
barks.
the sun leans out
clouds disintegrate.
Sunday 20 September 2020
Misanthrope
Misanthrope
written by: Zach Ellenberger
@zak4prez911
Everyone’s got some sort of secret to hide. While some secrets are simply harmless, others have the propensity to carry a deeper, malicious intent. Why is it do we feel the need to keep secrets? For our own or someone else’s benefit? To hide some level or degree of shame from a thought or action? To protect ourselves and the ones we love from the truth? Here is a secret for you; I have an irrational fear of Charlie Chaplin. I say irrational because who would ever be afraid of such a beloved pop culture icon? I acknowledge its silliness in nature, and consequently keep my fear a secret to hide from the shame. But, from where does that fear come? Why Charlie Chaplin of all figures? The truth is I am often left to ponder on that question without reaching an answer. I know that the fear originated at a young age from a large framed portrait of Charlie Chaplin my aunt and uncle hung on their wall. The portrait hung at the top of the staircase to the second floor of their house. It was a black and white photo of Chaplin sitting cross-armed in a doorway – his beady, evil-looking eyes staring down the stairs, stone cold and emotionless – with a little boy to his left staring blankly out of frame. From the foot of the staircase, his image would stand out from the top as if to ward off trespassers. The eyes, so menacing were they to have felt almost real, following your every move up the staircase. I remember an overwhelming sense of dread wash over me as a child when I looked at it from below. Goading to be courageous, I would tempt myself with reaching the top. But with each step, the sense of dread would intensify; my heartbeat racing faster as I climbed stair after stair.
Go no further, I felt it speak to me as a boy.
Only evil awaits.
Fearing his overbearing and maniacal presence, I never ventured to the second floor of that old home and, to this day, could not tell you what the upstairs looked like. Like I said, silly and shameful. I spent a large part of my childhood in that house. My mother and father both worked full-time with my father spending a majority of his day on the road, so my mother would leave me with my Aunt Theresa several days a week for a few hours to watch me. Aunt Theresa was much older and had been retired for some years while Uncle Alan ran a business which allowed them to live comfortably enough in their small house. Uncle Alan wasn’t around often and when he was, he was busy upstairs with business, as Aunt Theresa would explain. The few times that I did see him were normally holidays or special occasions when family would get together. I never remember seeing him speak much, but every time I approached, he would smile and give me a dollar. He did the same for all the kids which won him their admiration.
I wasn’t always alone; my cousins would be there to help pass the time at Aunt Theresa’s during the day. We would spend the day watching movies, playing video games and billiards. When there were family gatherings, the children would play down in the basement while the adults bickered with each other upstairs. As far as I was concerned, it was a normal childhood with a few of its own twists and turns to boot. But, I never forgot the portrait of Chaplin hanging at the top of the staircase and that feeling of fear which followed me through my growing years.
These days, I’m a respected adult with a full-time career, which is something I never thought I’d find myself saying. I’ve distinguished myself as a working man, built a reputation as a reliable patron of charity work around the country. Yet, despite my achievements, the essence of my character remains veiled in secrets to which I harbor much resentment and shame. As a bachelor of the utmost eligibility, romance, though highly desired, is not something that can come so easily for a guy like me. For one thing: as I’ve grown into my adult years, I’ve developed a degenerative habit in the form of sexual gratification that can only be best described as someone who is a sexual deviant. The path to ejaculation for myself is often hindered and requires an increase of stimulation to be achieved. It’s embarrassing to even hear from my lips; to speak of myself a tarnished man stricken by impotence, deprived of the chance at a normal romance be it simply for the purpose of procreation – a veritable freak of nature.
To say I was self-conscious of this fact would be to understate the truth of its burden. I can’t exactly speak as to how it came about or why it is so difficult for me. From my recollection, my sexual exploration through my teen years was nothing out of the ordinary compared to my peers. But then again, who can fully recall those affluent years. For a time, I had questioned whether or not it had anything to do with my sexuality.
They say that college is a place of experimentation. So, experimenting is what I did. I was always a hardworking student, excelled in every one of my classes and did not shudder at the aspect of my studies. But, there was the social aspect to the college years in which I was rightfully afraid to indulge. It was one thing to question my sexuality, but my incapability of reaching climax was an issue that could have potentially cut both ways, in a manner of speaking. My sexual exploration remained concealed from public knowledge while I delved into an underground world mired in sexual domination and fetishes absent of physical preference. What I discovered in that time about myself was that it was not the type of partner I desired, but the level of stimulation needed to reach an orgasm. As a lover, I required more than just conventional sex. You see, all it took for me was a small level of pain, either through role-play or any level of debauchery, to reach an orgasm. The sheer sensation of pain was a profound discovery for myself. Though I was not sure how to feel about it, there was some sense of relief in finally having closure on such a sensitive topic. However, with that relief came humiliation from the truth and frustration from its unknown origin. Nevertheless, it would remain a secret.
Today, I live a quiet life where I seek nothing more than to be a contributing member of society. And though I’ve managed to avoid any images of Charlie Chaplin, I am once again forced to confront my fear following the event of Aunt Theresa’s death. Her wake is held in that very same house in which I grew up. It was over twenty years since I have been inside her home. The last time I was there was when her husband, Uncle Alan, had died. I have vague recollections of his passing other than my understanding that it was of natural causes. I do remember a lack of emotion throughout the family when he died. As he lay in his coffin at the funeral, I noticed that my family members – aunts, uncles, mom and dad – none of them seemed upset at his passing. Indeed, I was quite young and naïve to the finality of death, but I did find it odd the majority of my kin did not so much as shed a tear in response to my uncle’s death.
As I enter the house, I’m immediately overwhelmed by the scent of mothballs, a staple of Aunt Theresa that always made me nauseous. The rest of the family and friends have already arrived, all mourning in their own way. My mother strolls among the crowd playing the saintly hostess, raking in the condolences and prayers from others like cold hard cash. She handles the loss surprisingly well. She spots me and heads straight for me.
“Sweetheart,” she greets me with a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Sorry I’m late, had a work thing to deal with.”
“Always working, even at a time like this.”
“You know I mean nothing by it. It was unavoidable.”
“I shouldn’t complain. You know I couldn’t be prouder of how hard you work.”
“How are you holding up?”
“Oh, I’ll be fine,” she assures me. “Death is just a part of life. She lived a long life, seventy-six years. God willing, she’s at peace now.”
Mother was never a religious person, only when it was convenient.
I am suddenly surprised by the presence of my father, a rare sighting since him and my mother split when I was in high school. After, I graduated and went on to college, I saw him less and less. He never got along with my mother’s family, what with their pension for arguing and confrontation. The simple fact that he is here today is quite unexpected.
“Dad.”
“Hey there, son. Good to see you. Haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“Yeah you too. You know, just staying busy. What are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to come and show my support for your mother. I know Theresa and I may not have gotten along all the time, but being there for your mother is the least I could do.”
“How’s Shelley? Didn’t bring her along?” I ask with detectable sarcasm.
“We thought it best that I come alone,” he says, as if still trying to convince me to have a relationship with his new wife. Regardless, it’s a surprising sentiment from my father.
“Well, it’s nice to see you both in the same room together.”
“Oh no need to get all defensive, hon,” Mother objects.
“I’m being honest, mom. It’s unfortunate circumstances, but nice to see you two together.”
“I just thank God we’re all here together now.”
My mother is one for empty sentiments – generic responses indicative to the emotional status of a situation. For lack of a better phrase, she dabbles in sociopathy. Her superficial performance is exhausting, so I wave them off and move on.
I greet my mother’s other sisters, Martha and Celeste, who are both sorrowful and mourning in their own way. Martha is the second oldest, a stern woman, cold and unwelcoming. She’s a traditional conservative woman. When I was an infant, Martha would show me catalogs of women’s lingerie and bikinis to keep me from “turning gay.” But, her mental state is such that she claims to speak to God as well as aliens, who allegedly planted a device in her head allowing only her to communicate with them, as she is wont to explain. I pay my respects to her and keep my interaction with her as brief as humanly possible before she begins to ramble on about government conspiracies. Celeste is the youngest of the four sisters and understandably so. Although she is an older woman, she drinks and socializes like a college sorority girl. She never turns down a good time, but today she is in a rare state: sober. She’s much different when sober, quiet and frail. I offer my condolences and give her a hug. As I hold her, she begins to break down in tears and falls to the floor screaming.
“My sister! My big sister! Why did she have to go?”
It’s an embarrassing moment for us both. This family has a flare for dramatics. I leave her to be Aunt Martha’s problem – she’s much more apt at dealing with her than me.
As I shuffle through the house passing strange acquaintances to my late aunt, I join my cousins who are congregating on the back porch to have a smoke. There’s David and Emily, Theresa’s son and daughter. They are both just a few years older than me. David is a small-time troublemaker and the poster child for mass shooters. David had an affinity for making knives and weapons as a boy and also enjoyed torturing insects and small rodents. Emily is a drug-addled, first rate con artist who jumps from relationship to relationship to feed her addiction. She’s the very definition of a succubus, preying on foolish men and then taking them for everything they’re worth.
Next to them are Martha’s children Mark, Rachel and Steven. Mark’s your average success story: Ivy League grad, degree in biomedical engineering, and up to his neck in research grants. He carries his mother’s conservative attitude with his own sense of demagoguery. His social acumen, though derivative of his mother’s own twisted perception, was best defined in a single statement he once made as a budding teenager: “all unskilled-workers should be sterilized to prevent their procreation of unfavorable genes.” Naturally, his choice of biomedical engineering as a career was and still is cause for concern.
Rachel is the living, breathing, humiliating stereotypical millennial. She remains glued to her phone every minute of the day, couldn’t tell you who the first president of the United States was, and only speaks in social media code. Steven is a bit slow, but the only good-natured person in this family who likes to keep to himself and his hobbies.
Finally, there’s Jason, the black sheep of all the cousins and Celeste’s son. Though Jason was the son of the youngest daughter, Jason is the actually oldest cousin. The story goes that Jason was the son of some random guy Celeste had met in high school that never stuck around. By the time she got married, Celeste and her husband decided not to have any more kids. Either that, or her husband, Bill, never saw her fit to have kids considering she was a heavy drinker. It was assumed that Jason and Bill never got along. They fought often, whether it was in public or private. I didn’t know much about Jason, for he dropped out of high school and left home as a teenager. He was born with a birth mark under his left eye that somewhat resembles a scar, bestowing upon him a predetermined persona of a troublemaker. We all looked up to Jason as kids being the rebel that he was, leaving home and taking jobs as a truck driver or a roadie with bands; doing all kinds of odd jobs and simply experiencing life overall. None of us knew whatever happened to him within that time, for we rarely ever heard from him or saw him. His presence here today is more of a surprise than my father’s.
“Well, look who it is,” says David as I step outside.
Emily scoffs loudly.
‘Pretty boy, mama’s joy,” she vocalizes half-hearted.
“Hey! Good to see you,” Steven says, who seems to be the only one genuinely happy to see me.
“You too Steven. David, Emily, sorry about your mother.”
“What’s to be sorry about?” Emily questions harshly. “She lived a miserably long life.”
“Yeah, it was about time if you ask me,” David chimes in. “It’s just too bad she didn’t have any inheritance to leave behind.”
Typical soulless David.
Rachel doesn’t bother acknowledging me as she chews gum like a cow and searches the latest trends on social media. Her brother, Mark, is at least capable of lifting his eyes from his pocket-sized book about Eugenics to nod his head and say hello dryly. Then there’s Jason, who still carries an air of intimidation.
“Hey Jason, long time. Didn’t expect to see you here.”
Jason takes a long drag of his cigarette, refusing every ounce of energy to say hello.
“Yeah, well neither did I.”
“So, what brings you back to town?”
“I heard about Theresa... happened to be in the neighborhood so I figured I’d drop in. It’s only temporary.”
“That was good of you.”
“I wouldn’t say so,” he breathes with another long exhale. “I figured there’d be no better opportunity to piss on her grave.”
I anxiously giggle at his remark thinking it a joke. That’s just his kind of humor, always was – dark and demented, absent of traditionally laughable punchlines. But, he’s not laughing. He stares me down with all intensity, making it perfectly clear I’ve misunderstood. He’s dead serious.
“…You’re not kidding.”
“Nope.”
I want to ask him what gives, why he would do such a thing. But, in all honesty, I still get the feeling of intimidation just talking to him.
“Well, speaking of, nature calls. If you’ll excuse me.”
He doesn’t bother responding. He simply takes another drag of his cigarette and stares off into space.
I seek out the main bathroom and, to my surprise, it’s out of service. That means the only other bathroom is upstairs beyond the wretched portrait of Charlie Chaplin. Standing at the foot of the staircase, I feel like a six-year-old again. That familiar feeling from my childhood returns like it never missed a beat. There he is, like the devil himself. It’s strange, as I look upon it now in my age, I take notice of the boy’s face as he sits next to Chaplin and how different it seems to look. It’s as if he himself is dubious of the man sitting next to him, in some way harboring a sense of suspicion toward Chaplin.
Suddenly, a silhouette steps out from around the banister into view, scaring the living shit out of me. Had my bathroom emergency been any direr, I might have relieved myself then and there. To my unsoiled relief, it was only Uncle Bob, Martha’s husband. Though a hardline alt-right conservative like Martha, Bob’s personality was a gleaming contrast to Martha’s; a warm, friendly man that chooses to keep his political affiliations private unlike Martha who wields it like a weapon. Bob is also Martha’s third husband and, in my opinion, the most relatively normal of all.
“Well hey there, buddy!” he greets me. “It’s been forever. You okay there? You look like you seen a ghost.”
“I’m fine, thanks. You just startled me is all.”
“I’m sorry about that. Seems like everybody’s a little jumpy nowadays.”
“I suppose it’s just being back in this place, washing up a few old memories.”
“Yeah, my condolences for your family. It’s been really tough on your Aunt Martha and the other sisters. Now that Theresa’s gone, they’re left with this house and all the junk that’s in it that was Alan’s. I know that can’t be easy for them being as they never got along well with Alan.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
Bob’s face grows stiff with fear as if he just farted in public.
“Oh, uh, I’m sorry I thought you were familiar with their relationship.”
“So did I, but now I’m beginning to question that.”
Bob takes a deep breath.
“Well, you’re an adult so I think you have a right to know. There were suspicions among the family about Alan when he was alive that he was in business with the wrong kind of people.”
“Is that so?”
“The rumor was that he was cooking books for some unsavory characters and using his business as a front to launder money for them. He seemed like a decent guy up front, but the sisters had a different opinion of him. They claim he was an abusive man and that they tried to talk her out of marrying him all those years ago. After he died, they all just kind of quit talking to one another for a while.”
I’m utterly awestruck in hearing this. How could I have possibly been in the dark all this time? It suddenly hits me that my family’s indifference at his passing all those years ago must have been due in part to his negative image. The memory of his funeral becomes clearer as never before. I remember running my hand along the wood of the coffin as my mother stood over his casket to “pay her respects.” But, not a word of prayer came out of her mouth, she only remained silent and stared indifferently at his corpse. My father lingered in the back of the room, unwilling to lend any respect to the dead man. I remember looking at his body and expecting him to sit up and eat me like some sort of zombie. Granted, I watched a lot of television as a child. But, every person in that room – Martha, Celeste, Bob, my cousins – displayed no sense of remorse.
“I really feel bad having to be the one to break this all to you,” he says. “There was so much that got swept under the rug all those years that I don’t even know half of it.”
“I appreciate you telling me, Bob. I guess that’s something I’ll just have to ask my mother about.”
Bob leans in, “Don’t tell her I was the one that told you. If Martha hears I blabbed, I’ll be in the doghouse eternally.”
He gives me a slap on the shoulder and returns to Martha’s side. After having left me with such a revelation, I struggle to regain my confidence to ascend the stairs. My feet feel weighted, growing heavier with every step. It’s like a force is pushing against me, trying to keep me from reaching the top. I somehow manage to soldier on and before I realize it, I’ve reached the top. Lifting my head, I am startled to find myself face-to-face with the dreaded portrait of Chaplin for the first time in my life. Feeling faint, I seize the banister to keep myself from falling down the staircase. It goes away after a brief spell and I take a moment to admire the second floor of the small house which I have never seen before. All of the doors are closed savor the bathroom door. I hurry in and relieve myself in the appropriate manner. Returning to the hallway, it is rather quiet despite the crowd downstairs. The sound doesn’t seem to find its way upward or vice versa. I decide to have a look around to get an idea of what the second floor looks like. I find Theresa and Alan’s bedroom, David’s bedroom and Emily’s bedroom. The last room I discover is Uncle Alan’s study. As I open the door, I feel a strange wave of sickness accompanied by a chill wash over me. My eyes wander the small room to view the clean and well-organized arrangement of his private quarters. I feel guilt invading a room full of the dead’s private belongings. Then again, there’s an insatiable curiosity emanating from within me involving my family history that centers around my late uncle and it is something I cannot ignore.
Yet, there is nothing in the room that seems out of the ordinary. In fact, the room is extraordinarily ordinary, a pleasantly furnished office adorned with a fancy oak desk, a leather chair, a large bookcase and a golden, baroque-style loveseat. Peculiarly, the room had no window. Behind the desk and chair were shelves of random items, model cars and photos. All of it presumes an innocence in Alan that directly contradicts the type of character to which Bob had been referring. I peruse the photos of family and friends that adorn the walls and the shelves above the desk. Perhaps my curiosity was unfounded.
I then notice an odd photo on the shelf behind the desk. It is an old picture of Uncle Alan sitting on the couch with a young Jason whose no more than nine years old. It was taken during a family Christmas over twenty years ago. In the foreground, the young cousins sit on the floor tearing up the wrapping paper of their gifts while Alan looks over the children smiling with his arm around Jason. Everything about this photo is seemingly normal, except for Jason. While Jason is the type of person that is hard to read, it’s clear in the photo that his demeanor is off. Young Jason stares directly into the camera, his eyes wide. His face remains expressionless, but it is clear that Jason’s look carries hints of fear and discomfort. His body language reads desperation as if he’s trying to signal the person behind the camera – to signal me – that he is in danger. In a way, it reminds me of the portrait in the hallway of Chaplin and the child, as both children, through some physical aspect, create the image of harboring suspicion toward their fellow subject.
Suddenly, all of the family photos within the room begin to share a strange quality that leaves me uneasy. Every family member that posed for a photo with Alan isn’t smiling. Even though Alan can be seen in every photo with a wide grin, each of the subjects posing with him carry a sense of dread in their expressions. There’s an old photo of Alan with Theresa and her three other sisters – including my mother – sitting on a deck. Alan sits between Theresa and Celeste with his arms around both women. Alan and Theresa smile pleasantly while the three other sisters carry brooding looks on their face. Another photo is of David and Emily as young preteens sitting around a table with Alan on Emily’s birthday; a cake sits in front of her with candles lit. Perhaps they were a little too old to be having birthday cakes at that age. She looks as though she had just been crying, her eyes red and swollen. David has his arms crossed with a begrudging look in his eye.
On the table next to Emily in the photo, there sits an old animatronic toy called a Furby -- a once widespread craze among children and young adults in the late nineties. I used to despise those atrocities as a young boy. I scoff to myself as I recall those abhorrent toys that were everywhere when I was kid. Then, once more, I am flushed with a memory from my youth; one that, before this moment, I could not previously recall. I was just a boy, who knows how young—maybe ten or eleven—spending an afternoon at Aunt Theresa’s. My mother had to work a late shift and had just dropped me off. Theresa was in the kitchen with the radio turned up high smoking a cigarette and reading a magazine.
“They’re down in the basement,” she said without lifting her head, referring to my cousins.
It was one of the rare occasions in which all my cousins, save for Jason, spent the day at Uncle Alan and Aunt Theresa’s. As I descended the stairs, I first noticed Rachel sprawled out on the couch reading one of her teen magazines despite being too young to be a teen or to understand most of the articles in the magazine. Mark was glued to the television playing video games while David and Emily fought over Emily’s new Furby doll. Steven, though, was nowhere to be seen.
Emily was the first to spot me coming down the stairs.
“Oh great,” she bemoaned. “Pretty boy, mama’s joy is here.”
“Shut up, Emily,” I hurtfully responded.
“Yeah Emily,” David patronized. “Before he goes and cries all over you.”
“Give my Furby back you jerk,” Emily demanded once more.
“You want your stupid toy? Go get it,” David answered, throwing the toy across the room. Emily screamed at the top of her lungs as she chased after it while David laughed.
“You guys are so childish,” said Rachel without even lifting her head out of her magazine.
“You broke my doll you asshole!” Emily shouted as she picked it up. The doll’s eyes kept rolling in the back of its head while it made strange unintelligible noises.
“Aww, you going to cry about it now?” David bullied.
Emily ran upstairs shouting for her mother as David scoffed and shook his head. Meanwhile Mark remained silent, still fixated on the TV screen. I approached him and sat next to him.
“Hey Mark, do you mind if I join in?”
“Why not,” Mark sighed. “You need some practice in losing anyway.”
Suddenly, a loud thumping sound emanated from the closet door.
“What’s that?” I asked frightened.
“It’s just Steven,” David said dismissively.
I ran over and turned the knob to realize David had locked Steven inside the closet. As I unlocked it and opened the door, Steven spilled out onto the floor with blood running from his nose. He was sobbing hysterically. But, no one in the room paid any attention to him.
“What happened?” I asked helping him up.
“The retard and I were just playing a game,” David chimed in. “It’s called ‘who’s afraid of the dark.’”
“Are you alright?” I asked Steven, ignoring David.
“I don’t want to play anymore,” sobbed Steven. “I want mommy.”
Steven ran upstairs and everyone went back to doing their own thing.
After almost twenty minutes, Emily came trudging back down the staircase, her eyes ready with tears.
“Still crying over your toy?” David remarked.
“Dad wants to talk to you,” she answered flatly. David dropped the smile on his face.
“Dad’s here?” he asked with a hint of fear. It was the first time I recall ever seeing David afraid. Emily nodded her head. David walked up the stairs with hesitation and disappeared out of sight while Emily took a place on the couch next to Rachel.
“Where’s your Furby?” Rachel asked.
“Who cares? It’s just a stupid toy.”
She did not speak again. Another twenty minutes later, David returned and was himself out of sorts. His face was pale with the look of terror still lingering.
I feel dizzy as the memory inundates me. The rush is nauseating and discombobulating. I rub my eyes trying to shake off the sensation of pins and needles that are tickling my outer extremities. My vision sharpens and, glancing around, it’s as if I’m looking at a completely different room. There is something that is unyielding and unsettling about the space. I slump into the sofa to keep myself from becoming nauseous. Suddenly, I feel a strange draft breeze past me. There are no windows open and it isn’t nearly hot enough to run the air conditioning. I notice that it seems to be coming from the bookcase. As I walked toward it, the draft is more pronounced and am certain of its origin. I slide the bookcase away from the wall to reveal a loose panel behind the bookshelf. The panel is a makeshift door within a false wall. As I press against it, the door swings open.
I don’t want to go inside fearing I already know what’s there. Don’t do it. I can hear the Chaplin painting calling out to me again, patronizing me.
I told you. Do not go further. Only evil resides and it will be your undoing.
He’s right and I know it. But, I can’t seem to stop myself anyway. I slowly slide in through the entry and what I find is the stuff of nightmares. A remote light switch turns on a bulb hanging by bare wires from the ceiling, ornate with spider webs. The crawl space is tiny. To the left is an old camera sitting on a tripod. To the right is a small mattress which barely fits the width of the crawl space. It is covered in dirty blankets. Sitting on the blankets is none other than Emily’s old Furby doll. My mind can’t seem to process what I’m thinking, but the nausea knows exactly what I’m seeing, causing my body to tremble. I need to leave, but more importantly I need to know.
Behind the camera is an old file box which I can only imagine holds all the secrets that I’m looking for.
I’ve warned you. There’s no going back.
Throwing open the lid, I find a stack of photos that were never meant to be found. As I had feared, there were pictures of David and Emily; even Rachel and Dan and poor Steven. Each photo had been taken in this crawl space where they had been stripped down naked and forced to bare themselves to a monster. There were older photos of my mother and each of her sisters; some that looked to be before I was born, some even after. There were even people I did not recognize, complete strangers holding the same look of fear and humiliation as those of my dear family. Innocence taken in the shudders of the mechanical eye.
The next photo brings the walls crashing down. But, how could it be me? I don’t recall this ever happening. This can’t be real.
Oh, it is real. It is very real. You remember, don’t you?
Perhaps I do—It was a birthday; the promise of a present. Of course, I remember now. Alan leaned against his desk, giving me a soda.
“I hear it was your birthday a few days ago,” he said. “Thirteen’s a big age. A lot of changes becoming a man. But, your body is never in better shape than now.”
He caressed my arm, gripping at the flesh.
“Boy, you’re going to be a strong man. I got an idea. Why don’t we take some photos of you so you can, you know, see how you progress as you get older. We’ll call it our little secret project.”
From then on, the memory gets hazy. I remember feeling light-headed and numb; it must have been the soda that knocked me out. What I’ve come to understand is that this is the moment my irrational fear was born. Except, that it wasn’t irrational and it wasn’t Charlie Chaplin I feared. It was his message that I truly feared. The whole time, he was trying to protect me from the things happening behind the very wall from which his portrait hung; protecting me from a monster.
The last photo in the pile is one of Alan holding a baby. The baby has a scar-like birth mark under his left eye. On the back of the photo it says, “Father and Son – 1982.” Deductive logic would conclude that my family has been harboring an awful secret from everyone. Upon further examination, my very own secret can be assumed to be a direct result of Alan’s own. The only thing I can wonder at this point is what kind of sick humor does God choose to impart upon his creation. And if we are created in his own image, what does that say about God?
This house of horrors is up for sale. No one is living in it. The items inside will be sold off, including Charlie. Sooner or later, someone will find the contents of the crawlspace. What they choose to do with the contents is their prerogative. The monster is long dead, but it is too late. The damage is already done. It has wreaked its havoc and given birth to new monsters like me. The portrait of Charlie Chaplin and I have made amends. He will be coming home with me where I’ll have a place for him. As for the house itself...
It will be in much better hands once I’ve moved in.
Friday 11 September 2020
Sunday 16 August 2020
Monday 6 July 2020
THE NEW FASCISM
View on Amazon
ASIN: B089YXYGVK
There is an organisation in western countries that makes its own rules, does not abide by national laws, does much what it likes to children and adults! Recent theories expressed by this group are simple, unadulterated fascism. They are an elite group, well paid, who answer to no one outside their group.
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Friday 3 July 2020
Wednesday 10 June 2020
Ying Cao
A door opens like a cloud
parting in the sky,
dripping sunshine and rain,
showing the next step
to be taken.
parting in the sky,
dripping sunshine and rain,
showing the next step
to be taken.
Thursday 14 May 2020
Ying Cao
When the storm came
the rivers swelled
the sea became full of fury,
the birds died
and all animals hid.
Lightening cracked across
the sky like a whip.
Light cracked the sky
and gashed the moon
and darkness fell.
the rivers swelled
the sea became full of fury,
the birds died
and all animals hid.
Lightening cracked across
the sky like a whip.
Light cracked the sky
and gashed the moon
and darkness fell.
Tuesday 12 May 2020
Ying Cao
When time becomes a river
it flows faster than before,
when it is dammed it slows
down again and disappears into the sea.
it flows faster than before,
when it is dammed it slows
down again and disappears into the sea.
Monday 13 April 2020
intoxication
My Intoxication
written by: Rks
@iwouldfall
The heart, that craves the taste
of being intoxicated
but by love,
The poison, is it the cure or the end?
The taste of insanity
it remembers so vividly,
my flesh, my strings
my bones, my veins
sick and shattered, I still am in love with.
Is it my euphoria or my drug?
Equivalent but to intoxication,
must you be.
The taste of my summer, the lustrous eyes
I feel it all within,
irresistible, it is
not to be intoxicated by the explosion of a star
I witness it all within your gaze.
Oh, the tranquility of my heart,
a flame with passion
slow paces, that’s its hesitation.
I ask no more questions
for the sun rises with my answers,
it’s my intoxication,
the flood of heavy rains,
my summer’s fragrance,
pressure against my veins
I inject you into,
it smells sweet like the morning dew.
My intoxication, is you.
of being intoxicated
but by love,
The poison, is it the cure or the end?
The taste of insanity
it remembers so vividly,
my flesh, my strings
my bones, my veins
sick and shattered, I still am in love with.
Is it my euphoria or my drug?
Equivalent but to intoxication,
must you be.
The taste of my summer, the lustrous eyes
I feel it all within,
irresistible, it is
not to be intoxicated by the explosion of a star
I witness it all within your gaze.
Oh, the tranquility of my heart,
a flame with passion
slow paces, that’s its hesitation.
I ask no more questions
for the sun rises with my answers,
it’s my intoxication,
the flood of heavy rains,
my summer’s fragrance,
pressure against my veins
I inject you into,
it smells sweet like the morning dew.
My intoxication, is you.
Saturday 4 April 2020
PANDEMIC PROJECT OXIDE
PROJECT OXIDE
written by: Daniel S. Liuzzi
@DanielSLiuzzi
Anything dead coming back to life hurts. – Toni Morrison
Months ago most of the “Old World” has collapsed. Europe, Asia, the Middle East and Africa are classified as “Lost” in the wake of a major pandemic originally called “White Fever” because of the pale to white ring around the outer parts of the Iris in eyes of those who contracted it. The first known outbreak occurred in or around Eastern Europe, the exact country of origin is currently still being debated and the cause is still unknown but the fact remains that thousands of people contracted the illness in a matter of days. Early samples of infected blood was sent to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) where they concluded what their European counterparts in the World Health Organization (WHO) feared, this was a new aggressive strain of virus with a higher infection rate than the Sixth Cholera Pandemic of 1899. The infection first spread rapidly by close contact before turning airborne, briefly but shortly thereafter the airborne strain of the virus died off due to the fact the virus could not live too long outside a host. Higher risk of infection occurred in confined space in areas such as cities and public transportation resulting in many island-like countries (Great Britain, Japan, Australia etc.) to immediately shut their borders to anyone coming from the “mainland”.
Seventy two hours after the outbreak began the CDC and WHO received a new sample from a hospital in Saint Petersburg, Russia. The sample was the White Fever virus but it mutated into a pathogen that could only be transferred through direct physical contact like the rabies virus or Ebola. The letter attached stated that the sample came from someone who was one of the “first wave” infected and at the time the sample was taken, the individual was clinically dead but regained “abnormal” vital signs and seemed to come back to life and was so violent they restrained the patient. Later on reports in other heavily affected areas where experiencing the same phenomena, people dyeing then coming back to life and attacking people. Those attacked who had open wounds exposed to the saliva have contracted an aggressive form of White Fever that caused the individual to die in a matter of hours before they too regained vitals and aggressive behavior.
Within less than three days most of Europe was in chaos from the viral outbreak and breaches in quarantine zones. Later on military forces from around the world banded together to keep the infection contained as well as evacuating non infected individuals to other countries. A Joint government task force was formed where scientists along with military scientists where given the task to study the new threat to provide information for military personnel fighting against the massive numbers of infected. The project will be held in a specially modified Carrier ship called the Oxide which will be used by the code name for this research program. The program will be labeled “Classified” since some measures being taken in the name of research would be considered cruel and unethical. Thirty prisoners from various maximum security prisons will be provided by the United States Government to be deliberately exposed to the White Fever virus which has now been renamed the “Reanimation Virus”, the following is a report from one of the scientists working closely with the subjects.
Seventy two hours after the outbreak began the CDC and WHO received a new sample from a hospital in Saint Petersburg, Russia. The sample was the White Fever virus but it mutated into a pathogen that could only be transferred through direct physical contact like the rabies virus or Ebola. The letter attached stated that the sample came from someone who was one of the “first wave” infected and at the time the sample was taken, the individual was clinically dead but regained “abnormal” vital signs and seemed to come back to life and was so violent they restrained the patient. Later on reports in other heavily affected areas where experiencing the same phenomena, people dyeing then coming back to life and attacking people. Those attacked who had open wounds exposed to the saliva have contracted an aggressive form of White Fever that caused the individual to die in a matter of hours before they too regained vitals and aggressive behavior.
Within less than three days most of Europe was in chaos from the viral outbreak and breaches in quarantine zones. Later on military forces from around the world banded together to keep the infection contained as well as evacuating non infected individuals to other countries. A Joint government task force was formed where scientists along with military scientists where given the task to study the new threat to provide information for military personnel fighting against the massive numbers of infected. The project will be held in a specially modified Carrier ship called the Oxide which will be used by the code name for this research program. The program will be labeled “Classified” since some measures being taken in the name of research would be considered cruel and unethical. Thirty prisoners from various maximum security prisons will be provided by the United States Government to be deliberately exposed to the White Fever virus which has now been renamed the “Reanimation Virus”, the following is a report from one of the scientists working closely with the subjects.
RESEARCH NOTES OF (Name withheld)
Test subject code named WF/RV 08 was exposed to the “Reanimation Virus” that recently is being classified as an RNA virus and belonging in the same group number alongside the Ebola and Rabies Viruses. A small sample was taken from a culture and placed onto a needle tip and scrapped on the subject’s forearm. Subject 08 was placed onto a restraint table prior to exposure where their head is locked into place by restraints so their face is facing a CCTV camera where the eyes are focused on to observe any changes, the infection site on the arm will be monitored as well. The subject was instructed to inform whoever is present of any changes.
(Month day and year is redacted)
45 minutes since infection: Subject 08 has complained of a “scratchy” feeling in the back of their throat. Infection site is red.
1 hour since infection: Subject 08’s eyes began to show signs of discoloring around the outer edges of the iris. Infection site still red. Subject is now complaining of headache, congestion and cough.
1 hour 33 minutes since infection: Subject 08’s condition remains the same but now has a fever. The infection site is no longer being observed. Subject’s eyes now clearly exhibit the faded white ring around the irises, at 6:32pm subject 08 has officially contracted White Fever. If early reports are correct the subject should succumb to the illness in a couple hours but with the aggressive nature of the virus, I believe death may be sooner.
2 hours 20 minutes since infection: Subject 08’s vitals are now being recorded. Heart monitors show blood pressure and heart rate is low as well as respiration. Subject lost consciousness 13 minutes before being hooked up to monitors.
2 hours 57 minutes since infection: Subject 08 was pronounced clinically dead at 9:29 pm.
2 hours 58 minutes since infection: at 9:30 pm subject 08’s heart began to beat again on its own and they began to breathe again. Subject is awake and severely agitated and fighting against the restraints.
Subject 08’s restraints were remotely released after vital data was collected. The subject fell off the examining table and broke (Gender is redacted) arm. 08 seems to not be fazed by the injury, on the contrary they seem to be trying to use that arm to help stand them up as if nothing has happened. Pain seems to be absent as Ataxia (loss of coordination) is present. 08’s vitals data shows that their heartbeat is not irregular compared to control data taken before infection. 08’s heartbeat prior to infection was an average of 60 beats per minute, after infection that number seemed to double due to having 4 beats a second, because of this 08’s blood pressure is high. Respiratory rate prior to infection was normal averaging 12 to 24 per minute, now the subject seems to have developed Tachypnea (rapid breathing) where the subject has had no history of respiratory problems in the past. The subject now makes a raspy hissing noise as they breathe.
Subject 08 has gone a day without food or water, they seem to not need to drink but hunger makes them severely agitated. A pygmy goat was put into the same room with subject 08. The goat came up to subject 08 many times, even brushing past them and 08 ignored the animal. After 08 failed to take interest in the goat, subject 02 was sent into the room to retrieve the animal (this act served two purposes, one to actually remove the animal from the testing field and two to test 08’s reaction with a human in the same room since their infection.) 08 reacted with subject 02’s presence with vicious results.
Subject 02 was attacked by subject 08 a couple seconds after they entered the room. 08 struck 02 multiple times before biting 02 and ripping flesh. In a panic 02 lost their footing on the floor and fell against a wall and was pinned there by 08 who continued to bite (gender is redacted) ferociously. At first the actions seemed to appear to be that 08 were just attacking 02 by any means necessary but to our shock we realized that 08 was in fact feeding on 02. With this realization a hypothesis was formed that this virus makes the infected attack members of the same species. No reports from the affected areas said anything about animals behaving in the same manner as 08. A new and separate test will be conducted using a pygmy goat.
A pygmy goat has been given the title of Subject 31, since there are 30 human subjects being used for testing, correction 29 humans since subject 02 was killed and eaten by subject 08. The goat was introduced to the virus like subject 08. The pygmy goat took longer to fully contract the illness before reanimation. Vitals for the goat where not taken because that is not the target data this part of the experiment was looking for. About 24 hours after infection the pygmy goat was introduced to subject 05 who was able to walk up to the goat, 05 was instructed to “annoy” the goat by pushing it and if possible tipping it over. After several minutes 05 was called back, subject 31 had no interest with subject 05. Another pygmy goat was put into the room shortly afterwards shockingly with the same results like 08 with 02. Subject 31 an infected pygmy goat attacked only another pygmy goat, therefore the Reanimation Virus is species specific.
While observations were being made with Subject 31, testing with subject 08 continued. What was left of subject 02’s corpse was removed and incinerated after samples were taken. After the process of incineration begun a colleague proposed a question of would a partially eaten corps reanimate. Forgot to mention that before the remains of subject 02 were dealt with, the corpse was left in quarantine to observe if reanimation would occur, as a result there was no reanimation but cells in 02’s corpse begun to mutate from the virus resulting in 02’s corps technically acting like a carrier of the virus just like 08. This idea prompted debate where I and another colleague came up with a theory.
The virus takes control of the nervous system of the infected so it can reproduce and spread to another, for survival. The fastest way to do so is through direct contact for example saliva and bite wounds. So the virus takes control of the nervous system to control the host’s survival instincts and makes it more aggressive. In this case the virus makes the infected need to feed, the “feeding” action is actually spreading the virus into another host who would then incubate the virus and then repeat the cycle. In other words the act of attacking and eating non-infected is for the survival of the virus NOT the infected. If anything the act of eating helps the infected to gain some nourishment to stay active for the sake of the virus, like a pregnant woman with cravings.
A development occurred with subject 31 the pygmy goat. It’s been observed that fleas that were living on the goat prior to exposure to the virus have emerged from its fur in masses in what looks like in a massive attempt to leave their old host. With the theory I mentioned before in the previous paragraph fear gripped us all that the fleas that once was responsible for carrying the Bubonic Plague were now carrying the Reanimation Virus that would spread like wild fire on this ship! Luckily the room subject 31 was held in is air tight with security measures in place for such an event. The room was immediately pumped with (chemical agent name withheld) gas that killed the fleas as well as subject 31. The fleas were collected and taken for testing as 31 was incinerated. Tests on the fleas showed that the fleas came back negative of the virus. Fascinating, it seems parasites like fleas may possibly sense that their host or other potential hosts are infected with some disease that may harm them. This could also explain why vultures and carrion crows have not feasted on the dead that now pile the streets of many cities hit by this pandemic.
Today subject 05 was carefully lowered into the room with subject 08 who reacted as expected and fed on 05’s legs and feet. Prior to this 05 was sedated so they would not struggle and hinder this experiment. After 08 ate 05’s legs to the bones, 05 was quickly removed and their wounds cauterized to prevent severe blood loss that would have killed them. After 05’s wounds were taken care of (gender redacted) was placed in quarantine. 08 became an Annie (Annie is a nickname the soldiers assisting in security came up with to shorten “Reanimate” since we are avoiding the term “Zombie”) just barely under three hours, 05 reanimated under two! For some reason 05 became infected faster, we need a sample of 08’s saliva, which we never collected before.
The results of 08’s saliva sample came back and compared to its blood sample, the saliva has more viral cells than 08’s blood! This is quite a find. During the retrieval of the saliva sample, Dr. (name removed) was bitten on the hand. Quick thinking on the doctor’s part (gender redacted) put their belt tightly around their forearm and made a tourniquet. Head of security (rank and name withheld) insisted on terminating Dr. (redacted), the Doctor willingly offered themselves to have an experiment performed on them, reluctantly becoming Subject 32. Dr. 32 opted to have their arm removed to see if amputation of a limb where one was bitten or cut by an infected would spare them. In the operating room there were only two doctors (one playing multiple roles of a surgical team) and seven armed guards. After a couple hours the amputation was over and Dr. 32 was placed in isolation. The Arm was removed at the shoulder. Dr. 32 woke up and had no symptoms of the virus. Tests on Dr.32’s discarded arm showed high concentration of the virus; with the Doctor’s makeshift tourniquet, they saved themselves from becoming a Reanimate.
More samples of 08’s saliva was taken and yielded astonishing results. The virus cells in the saliva have tripled and seem to have mutated since 08 last fed a few days ago. I hypothesize that the longer a Reanimate does not feed, the more aggressive the virus’s cells become. UPDATE: more samples were taken almost a week since we took the last sample of 08’s saliva. The result supports my theory! The cells have mutated and tripled in numbers and if I’m not mistaken, there is a strong possibility that the virus’s potency have increased tenfold meaning that someone who may be bitten by a “Starved” Reanimate may succumb to the virus in minutes and not hours! This discovery struck down hope that we can find and or develop a preventive vaccine or proverbial “cure” for this pandemic. How can we stop a virus that mutates by the minute after its carrier fails to eat?
Subject 08 has gone a day without food or water, they seem to not need to drink but hunger makes them severely agitated. A pygmy goat was put into the same room with subject 08. The goat came up to subject 08 many times, even brushing past them and 08 ignored the animal. After 08 failed to take interest in the goat, subject 02 was sent into the room to retrieve the animal (this act served two purposes, one to actually remove the animal from the testing field and two to test 08’s reaction with a human in the same room since their infection.) 08 reacted with subject 02’s presence with vicious results.
Subject 02 was attacked by subject 08 a couple seconds after they entered the room. 08 struck 02 multiple times before biting 02 and ripping flesh. In a panic 02 lost their footing on the floor and fell against a wall and was pinned there by 08 who continued to bite (gender is redacted) ferociously. At first the actions seemed to appear to be that 08 were just attacking 02 by any means necessary but to our shock we realized that 08 was in fact feeding on 02. With this realization a hypothesis was formed that this virus makes the infected attack members of the same species. No reports from the affected areas said anything about animals behaving in the same manner as 08. A new and separate test will be conducted using a pygmy goat.
A pygmy goat has been given the title of Subject 31, since there are 30 human subjects being used for testing, correction 29 humans since subject 02 was killed and eaten by subject 08. The goat was introduced to the virus like subject 08. The pygmy goat took longer to fully contract the illness before reanimation. Vitals for the goat where not taken because that is not the target data this part of the experiment was looking for. About 24 hours after infection the pygmy goat was introduced to subject 05 who was able to walk up to the goat, 05 was instructed to “annoy” the goat by pushing it and if possible tipping it over. After several minutes 05 was called back, subject 31 had no interest with subject 05. Another pygmy goat was put into the room shortly afterwards shockingly with the same results like 08 with 02. Subject 31 an infected pygmy goat attacked only another pygmy goat, therefore the Reanimation Virus is species specific.
While observations were being made with Subject 31, testing with subject 08 continued. What was left of subject 02’s corpse was removed and incinerated after samples were taken. After the process of incineration begun a colleague proposed a question of would a partially eaten corps reanimate. Forgot to mention that before the remains of subject 02 were dealt with, the corpse was left in quarantine to observe if reanimation would occur, as a result there was no reanimation but cells in 02’s corpse begun to mutate from the virus resulting in 02’s corps technically acting like a carrier of the virus just like 08. This idea prompted debate where I and another colleague came up with a theory.
The virus takes control of the nervous system of the infected so it can reproduce and spread to another, for survival. The fastest way to do so is through direct contact for example saliva and bite wounds. So the virus takes control of the nervous system to control the host’s survival instincts and makes it more aggressive. In this case the virus makes the infected need to feed, the “feeding” action is actually spreading the virus into another host who would then incubate the virus and then repeat the cycle. In other words the act of attacking and eating non-infected is for the survival of the virus NOT the infected. If anything the act of eating helps the infected to gain some nourishment to stay active for the sake of the virus, like a pregnant woman with cravings.
A development occurred with subject 31 the pygmy goat. It’s been observed that fleas that were living on the goat prior to exposure to the virus have emerged from its fur in masses in what looks like in a massive attempt to leave their old host. With the theory I mentioned before in the previous paragraph fear gripped us all that the fleas that once was responsible for carrying the Bubonic Plague were now carrying the Reanimation Virus that would spread like wild fire on this ship! Luckily the room subject 31 was held in is air tight with security measures in place for such an event. The room was immediately pumped with (chemical agent name withheld) gas that killed the fleas as well as subject 31. The fleas were collected and taken for testing as 31 was incinerated. Tests on the fleas showed that the fleas came back negative of the virus. Fascinating, it seems parasites like fleas may possibly sense that their host or other potential hosts are infected with some disease that may harm them. This could also explain why vultures and carrion crows have not feasted on the dead that now pile the streets of many cities hit by this pandemic.
Today subject 05 was carefully lowered into the room with subject 08 who reacted as expected and fed on 05’s legs and feet. Prior to this 05 was sedated so they would not struggle and hinder this experiment. After 08 ate 05’s legs to the bones, 05 was quickly removed and their wounds cauterized to prevent severe blood loss that would have killed them. After 05’s wounds were taken care of (gender redacted) was placed in quarantine. 08 became an Annie (Annie is a nickname the soldiers assisting in security came up with to shorten “Reanimate” since we are avoiding the term “Zombie”) just barely under three hours, 05 reanimated under two! For some reason 05 became infected faster, we need a sample of 08’s saliva, which we never collected before.
The results of 08’s saliva sample came back and compared to its blood sample, the saliva has more viral cells than 08’s blood! This is quite a find. During the retrieval of the saliva sample, Dr. (name removed) was bitten on the hand. Quick thinking on the doctor’s part (gender redacted) put their belt tightly around their forearm and made a tourniquet. Head of security (rank and name withheld) insisted on terminating Dr. (redacted), the Doctor willingly offered themselves to have an experiment performed on them, reluctantly becoming Subject 32. Dr. 32 opted to have their arm removed to see if amputation of a limb where one was bitten or cut by an infected would spare them. In the operating room there were only two doctors (one playing multiple roles of a surgical team) and seven armed guards. After a couple hours the amputation was over and Dr. 32 was placed in isolation. The Arm was removed at the shoulder. Dr. 32 woke up and had no symptoms of the virus. Tests on Dr.32’s discarded arm showed high concentration of the virus; with the Doctor’s makeshift tourniquet, they saved themselves from becoming a Reanimate.
More samples of 08’s saliva was taken and yielded astonishing results. The virus cells in the saliva have tripled and seem to have mutated since 08 last fed a few days ago. I hypothesize that the longer a Reanimate does not feed, the more aggressive the virus’s cells become. UPDATE: more samples were taken almost a week since we took the last sample of 08’s saliva. The result supports my theory! The cells have mutated and tripled in numbers and if I’m not mistaken, there is a strong possibility that the virus’s potency have increased tenfold meaning that someone who may be bitten by a “Starved” Reanimate may succumb to the virus in minutes and not hours! This discovery struck down hope that we can find and or develop a preventive vaccine or proverbial “cure” for this pandemic. How can we stop a virus that mutates by the minute after its carrier fails to eat?
PERSONAL ENTRIES
Today I took some personal time away from the research of the Reanimate Virus to clear my thoughts and to contact my family back in (Redacted). The news from home was good, while news from the other side of the world was grim. My (Spouse gender withheld) had to disconnect the cable so our kids could not see the images of what is going on appearing on the screen of the TV and computer. I personally have seen images and video taken by the professionals to the average citizen with a camera phone. An image of police in riot gear and shields pushing reanimates back as panicked civilians try to climb over the police barricades to escape the growing numbers of the infected. A video taken by someone from a roof of an apartment showing a bridge being blown up to prevent reanimates from entering a “non infected” part of a city which I’m sure was all for nothing. Images and videos ranging from people in panic to blood spattered building interiors, my god what hell is this?
The news grow worrisome by the hour, China and Kyrgyzstan are officially “Gone” as the commanding officer of this ship stated in this afternoon’s announcement. The spread of the virus was too fast for them to contain it as much as possible and what made matters worse was as a last resort the Chinese government launched four nuclear missiles targeting their own cities! No big secret, many countries under siege by the outbreak are launching missiles, thankfully out of approximately 37 nuclear launches only six made it to their targets (all on their own soil). Credit has to be given to a missile shield that many nations overnight put together in such a case. As simple as it may seem to just “Nuke” the virus away, there are still many countries and continents untouched by the pandemic, evacuation is possible only if time is given and we here on this ship bobbing in the middle of the sea don’t know how to give it. I’m still at a loss for words as I have neglected my work for two more days since my last entry. I have become obsessed with watching videos and observing photographs of the carnage occurring in the affected areas.
This morning around eight I was awaken by one of my colleagues who was obviously startled, at first my thoughts turned to a security breach and some of the infected subjects escaping. Both to my relief and astonishment there was a cruise ship off the ship’s starboard (Right) side. We proceeded to an observation deck where there was a small crowd of sailors, soldiers and scientists all in different outfits of the moment (some in uniform, casual and a few even just in towels and flip flops!), sure enough the news was true, there was a cruise ship a half a mile from us, sailing along side. Some of the military personnel had their radios on listening to radio chatter. The cruise ship disobeyed orders NOT to leave port. The ship was filled almost beyond capacity with people fleeing the mainland and heading towards wherever they thought would be safe. Conversation broke down when the cruise ship refused to turn around and requested an escort to US waters. The radio went silent as channels were changed and most likely encrypted so no one else could hear. Our ship (an aircraft carrier) is under escort by (number withheld) Battleships, (number withheld) Submarines and (number withheld) Destroyers.
We all felt the ship slowly turn away from the cruise ship as one of our battleship escorts moved into position between us and them. Before I could ask what was going to happen to the cruise liner, off in the distance there were two flashes of light that came out of the water and flew straight up into the air at breathtaking speed, cruise missiles from one of our sub escorts! The battle ship next to us then shot two more cruise missiles at the liner! The battleship’s missiles hit their mark first, the bridge of the ship, the tiny black windows from the distance instantly turned into a fireball followed by a delayed echo of the two explosions from impact. The two other missiles struck the rear of the ship causing it to almost capsize, before I could respond to that sight, two more missiles struck the front part of the ship! Another sub must have launched them from somewhere else were we could not see. The ship spewed the thickest black smoke I have ever seen into the sky. Expletives left the mouths of some of the on lookers while some stood stoically and some stood with their mouths open in shock as we all watched, I can’t recall which of these groups I was part of.
The large turret guns on the battleship began to shoot volleys at the now crippled and defenseless cruise liner, their aim was at the decks near the water, surly the objective was to make the ship sink. An orange blur whizzed from my right field of view and struck the haul of the liner with a thundering boom as it tore into the side sending the projectile inside the ship before detonating, signs pointing to this being an anti ship missile. Two more anti ship missiles struck the liner making holes in the side to let water flow into the lower decks. For several minutes the liner stood still as smoke darkened the morning sun. The silence finally broke when from underneath the waters under the liner an incredible explosion! I barely made out a flash under the water before a large plume of white water shot upward like a monstrous geyser that broke the ship nearly in half! Later I found out it was caused by three torpedoes that blew up at the same time underneath the ship, the force of the explosion pushed itself up along with the water to slam into the bottom of the ship with great force that continued to travel up and through the ship like a knife.
For a few moments the liner seemed to have not been affected by the blast but soon the damage was seen. The front half of the liner tilted on its right side as the rear twisted. I knew then that the liner was done and there would be no saving it or the passengers who were either dead in the liner or dyeing in the water as our ship and its escorts continued on and let the sea take them. I did not watch the horror at sea unfold instead I retreated back to my bunk and buried my head under my pillow hoping it would act as a shield against the thoughts of what I just saw. I’ve learned later that survivors were seen in the water and any that came near the ships were shot by personnel on board the ships, as our small cluster of vessels left the scene another formation of ships would come to ensure no one survived and that the ship sunk. Later in the afternoon the ship’s captain came over the loudspeakers and gave words of encouragement to everyone on board the ship where a time later after his message other researchers and I met and concluded that we must find ways to kill the reanimates and share the news with the military so they can buy time for potential evacuations.
The news grow worrisome by the hour, China and Kyrgyzstan are officially “Gone” as the commanding officer of this ship stated in this afternoon’s announcement. The spread of the virus was too fast for them to contain it as much as possible and what made matters worse was as a last resort the Chinese government launched four nuclear missiles targeting their own cities! No big secret, many countries under siege by the outbreak are launching missiles, thankfully out of approximately 37 nuclear launches only six made it to their targets (all on their own soil). Credit has to be given to a missile shield that many nations overnight put together in such a case. As simple as it may seem to just “Nuke” the virus away, there are still many countries and continents untouched by the pandemic, evacuation is possible only if time is given and we here on this ship bobbing in the middle of the sea don’t know how to give it. I’m still at a loss for words as I have neglected my work for two more days since my last entry. I have become obsessed with watching videos and observing photographs of the carnage occurring in the affected areas.
This morning around eight I was awaken by one of my colleagues who was obviously startled, at first my thoughts turned to a security breach and some of the infected subjects escaping. Both to my relief and astonishment there was a cruise ship off the ship’s starboard (Right) side. We proceeded to an observation deck where there was a small crowd of sailors, soldiers and scientists all in different outfits of the moment (some in uniform, casual and a few even just in towels and flip flops!), sure enough the news was true, there was a cruise ship a half a mile from us, sailing along side. Some of the military personnel had their radios on listening to radio chatter. The cruise ship disobeyed orders NOT to leave port. The ship was filled almost beyond capacity with people fleeing the mainland and heading towards wherever they thought would be safe. Conversation broke down when the cruise ship refused to turn around and requested an escort to US waters. The radio went silent as channels were changed and most likely encrypted so no one else could hear. Our ship (an aircraft carrier) is under escort by (number withheld) Battleships, (number withheld) Submarines and (number withheld) Destroyers.
We all felt the ship slowly turn away from the cruise ship as one of our battleship escorts moved into position between us and them. Before I could ask what was going to happen to the cruise liner, off in the distance there were two flashes of light that came out of the water and flew straight up into the air at breathtaking speed, cruise missiles from one of our sub escorts! The battle ship next to us then shot two more cruise missiles at the liner! The battleship’s missiles hit their mark first, the bridge of the ship, the tiny black windows from the distance instantly turned into a fireball followed by a delayed echo of the two explosions from impact. The two other missiles struck the rear of the ship causing it to almost capsize, before I could respond to that sight, two more missiles struck the front part of the ship! Another sub must have launched them from somewhere else were we could not see. The ship spewed the thickest black smoke I have ever seen into the sky. Expletives left the mouths of some of the on lookers while some stood stoically and some stood with their mouths open in shock as we all watched, I can’t recall which of these groups I was part of.
The large turret guns on the battleship began to shoot volleys at the now crippled and defenseless cruise liner, their aim was at the decks near the water, surly the objective was to make the ship sink. An orange blur whizzed from my right field of view and struck the haul of the liner with a thundering boom as it tore into the side sending the projectile inside the ship before detonating, signs pointing to this being an anti ship missile. Two more anti ship missiles struck the liner making holes in the side to let water flow into the lower decks. For several minutes the liner stood still as smoke darkened the morning sun. The silence finally broke when from underneath the waters under the liner an incredible explosion! I barely made out a flash under the water before a large plume of white water shot upward like a monstrous geyser that broke the ship nearly in half! Later I found out it was caused by three torpedoes that blew up at the same time underneath the ship, the force of the explosion pushed itself up along with the water to slam into the bottom of the ship with great force that continued to travel up and through the ship like a knife.
For a few moments the liner seemed to have not been affected by the blast but soon the damage was seen. The front half of the liner tilted on its right side as the rear twisted. I knew then that the liner was done and there would be no saving it or the passengers who were either dead in the liner or dyeing in the water as our ship and its escorts continued on and let the sea take them. I did not watch the horror at sea unfold instead I retreated back to my bunk and buried my head under my pillow hoping it would act as a shield against the thoughts of what I just saw. I’ve learned later that survivors were seen in the water and any that came near the ships were shot by personnel on board the ships, as our small cluster of vessels left the scene another formation of ships would come to ensure no one survived and that the ship sunk. Later in the afternoon the ship’s captain came over the loudspeakers and gave words of encouragement to everyone on board the ship where a time later after his message other researchers and I met and concluded that we must find ways to kill the reanimates and share the news with the military so they can buy time for potential evacuations.
CAPTAIN’S ANNOUNCEMENT TRANSCRIPT
“This is the captain to all company on board the Oxide. As you are well aware, we encountered a cruise ship that left the mainland where the ‘White Fever’ outbreak is occurring. Their destination was for North or South America, a choice they made without consulting and governing bodies in those continents. Contact with the liner’s captain broke down and they were going to proceed even though they were not allowed to leave their home port. With what we are facing during this time is a threat more real than you can ever imagine. A threat that can’t be seen until it’s already inside you and you can spread it to others easily by a handshake or bumping into a stranger on the sidewalk. After you get it you die and you come back and kill others. This is what will happen back home if we do not act like how we have this morning. There would be no home to go back to if we don’t do it again. Right now your families, friends and comrades back home are relying on us to keep the threat over there! People who survived the hell that’s plaguing over there need us to make sure there is sanctuary for them to flee to when they are cleared to go! A joint operation is underway to help ease the burden of the infection so many can escape so nothing like what happened this morning will happen again. We will succeed and I have all my confidence in our researching team to help give us answers.”
RESEARCH NOTES (CONN)
The team of researchers have made a difficult choice and decided for the following part of the research, all the rest of the non infected subjects will be exposed to the Virus for the sole purpose of killing them and offering data to the military.
The process was laboring but all remaining subjects were infected and placed into separate holding cells till their time came. We needed to see how the infected act as a group so with a request to the Captain we had a section of the lower decks reserved for mobility tests. The mobility test had to be held off till a new subject was brought in to run what we nicknamed “the maze”, this is subject 33. All infected subjects were placed in the decks being used and monitored by CCTV. The infected subjects wandered around for a bit before they stopped and just stood in place. Some were in small groups while some were on their own. Subject 33 studied a map of the deck he was to pass through and told that they are to proceed to the ladder at the other end. 33 was told about the other subjects (just left out the total number of how many), they seemed reluctant but agreed to proceed with the test. Subject 33 was allowed to enter the deck where (Gender withheld) was locked in and started to move.
Almost as soon as subject 33 entered the deck, some of the infected subjects seemed to have noticed. Not long into the deck, 33 encountered a group of the infected and were able to run through them remarkably without getting attacked. As 33 ran through the corridors, the groups of infected tried to move at a faster pace but seemed uncoordinated. Possibly the abnormal firings of the neurons in the brain make it harder for the brain to communicate to the rest of the body? One of the subjects, 05 moved faster than some of the others, and (gender redacted) legs are gone and is just crawling! 33 was almost overpowered by one of the infected but was able to push them hard against a wall knocking them down. I believe the subject was number 01 or 04 but either way they are having trouble getting back up. 33 knocked over some obstacles that were set up which made passing somewhat difficult for the infected subjects to pursue 33. At the end 33 made it to the ladder and climbed to safety and made it to isolation. The infected subjects tracked 33’s scent up the ladder but couldn’t use it! This could make escape possible for anyone in the infected areas.
Though 33 survived their part in the experiment, the forces in charge had Subject 33 “Euthanized” for reasons of “International Security”, and since Subject 33 was a death row inmate, not many of the researchers felt any loss as cruel as it may sound. 33’s corpse would not be incinerated but instead have parts harvested for some more testing that requires measuring the bite force of the infected. Since the infected ignore the flesh of any other animal but are drawn to consume that of human as mentioned earlier in the findings. Slabs of 33’s flesh will be wrapped around a pressure plate that measures the force of bites. These plates have been used before to measure the bite force of sharks and dogs. The process will be gruesome, but the data collected would be worth the lost lunches I’m sure will happen. I hope I will be able to withstand the testing.
One of the infected subjects was corralled into a chamber and was restrained with the use of pole snares handled by SEALS members of team (number redacted). I forgot to mention that the Navy has asked that the SEALS be involved in the upcoming tests. My fellow researchers and I actually enjoy the company of this elite fighting force who will no doubt be involved in the evacuation process along with their counterparts from around what’s left of the world. Back to the test, the subject was 08, could tell by their broken arm that seems to not bother them. A pressure plate was placed in between a couple slabs of subject 33’s flesh, which was sewn together to help hold the plate in place. The plate was then attached to a pole held by a SEAL who when proctored, put the flesh/plate end in 08’s face and allow it to bite it. With a gruesome hiss and snarl 08 lunged at the pole and bit down onto the plate infused meat! Most of 08’s teeth shattered in the process before biting again at the plate. 08’s bite pressure was almost doubled that of a normal human, even with broken teeth 08 was still able to deliver a crushing bite! After the test the results were passed on, turns out the request for bite force testing was to see if new “Bite resistant” fabric could be produced for soldiers in the field as well as body armor modifications. Honestly I believe it’s better to avoid direct confrontation with the infected, which I hope the next major tests involving weaponry will help solve the issue.
The process was laboring but all remaining subjects were infected and placed into separate holding cells till their time came. We needed to see how the infected act as a group so with a request to the Captain we had a section of the lower decks reserved for mobility tests. The mobility test had to be held off till a new subject was brought in to run what we nicknamed “the maze”, this is subject 33. All infected subjects were placed in the decks being used and monitored by CCTV. The infected subjects wandered around for a bit before they stopped and just stood in place. Some were in small groups while some were on their own. Subject 33 studied a map of the deck he was to pass through and told that they are to proceed to the ladder at the other end. 33 was told about the other subjects (just left out the total number of how many), they seemed reluctant but agreed to proceed with the test. Subject 33 was allowed to enter the deck where (Gender withheld) was locked in and started to move.
Almost as soon as subject 33 entered the deck, some of the infected subjects seemed to have noticed. Not long into the deck, 33 encountered a group of the infected and were able to run through them remarkably without getting attacked. As 33 ran through the corridors, the groups of infected tried to move at a faster pace but seemed uncoordinated. Possibly the abnormal firings of the neurons in the brain make it harder for the brain to communicate to the rest of the body? One of the subjects, 05 moved faster than some of the others, and (gender redacted) legs are gone and is just crawling! 33 was almost overpowered by one of the infected but was able to push them hard against a wall knocking them down. I believe the subject was number 01 or 04 but either way they are having trouble getting back up. 33 knocked over some obstacles that were set up which made passing somewhat difficult for the infected subjects to pursue 33. At the end 33 made it to the ladder and climbed to safety and made it to isolation. The infected subjects tracked 33’s scent up the ladder but couldn’t use it! This could make escape possible for anyone in the infected areas.
Though 33 survived their part in the experiment, the forces in charge had Subject 33 “Euthanized” for reasons of “International Security”, and since Subject 33 was a death row inmate, not many of the researchers felt any loss as cruel as it may sound. 33’s corpse would not be incinerated but instead have parts harvested for some more testing that requires measuring the bite force of the infected. Since the infected ignore the flesh of any other animal but are drawn to consume that of human as mentioned earlier in the findings. Slabs of 33’s flesh will be wrapped around a pressure plate that measures the force of bites. These plates have been used before to measure the bite force of sharks and dogs. The process will be gruesome, but the data collected would be worth the lost lunches I’m sure will happen. I hope I will be able to withstand the testing.
One of the infected subjects was corralled into a chamber and was restrained with the use of pole snares handled by SEALS members of team (number redacted). I forgot to mention that the Navy has asked that the SEALS be involved in the upcoming tests. My fellow researchers and I actually enjoy the company of this elite fighting force who will no doubt be involved in the evacuation process along with their counterparts from around what’s left of the world. Back to the test, the subject was 08, could tell by their broken arm that seems to not bother them. A pressure plate was placed in between a couple slabs of subject 33’s flesh, which was sewn together to help hold the plate in place. The plate was then attached to a pole held by a SEAL who when proctored, put the flesh/plate end in 08’s face and allow it to bite it. With a gruesome hiss and snarl 08 lunged at the pole and bit down onto the plate infused meat! Most of 08’s teeth shattered in the process before biting again at the plate. 08’s bite pressure was almost doubled that of a normal human, even with broken teeth 08 was still able to deliver a crushing bite! After the test the results were passed on, turns out the request for bite force testing was to see if new “Bite resistant” fabric could be produced for soldiers in the field as well as body armor modifications. Honestly I believe it’s better to avoid direct confrontation with the infected, which I hope the next major tests involving weaponry will help solve the issue.
WEAPONS TESTING
As requested, we will now begin testing use of a variety of weaponry against the 29 infected subjects. Dr. (Name withheld) asked to take 10 of the subjects (20-29) for testing involving a weapon that they thought of, their findings (gender withheld) assured us would be shared in short time. The 19 remaining subjects will be used in weapons testing. Subjects 1-10 will be sent for testing with firearms while 11-19 will be used in testing of “Other” potentially lethal methods.
FIREARMS TESTING
All subjects are restrained with the use of chains connecting them to the wall in order not to put the SEAL participating in the tests in danger. To ensure that there would be no risk of infection, the SEAL is wearing a Biohazard suit and will be holding a riot shield to shield them from any blood spray. The SEAL will be using a standard 9mm Pistol for the tests.
Subject 01: shot to leg and arm
The first shot was fired into the arm of 01. 01 did not react to the shot and seems to not feel pain. The arm is obviously broken and the wound bled profusely (due to the raised blood pressure in the infected). The next shot into the leg of 01 brought it down; the shot was placed in the shin area. Just like the arm, Subject 01 acts like there is no pain. The shin is broken and bleeding. Subject 01 is still able to walk but with great difficulty. Within ten minutes Subject 01 “Died” from severe hemorrhaging.
The first shot was fired into the arm of 01. 01 did not react to the shot and seems to not feel pain. The arm is obviously broken and the wound bled profusely (due to the raised blood pressure in the infected). The next shot into the leg of 01 brought it down; the shot was placed in the shin area. Just like the arm, Subject 01 acts like there is no pain. The shin is broken and bleeding. Subject 01 is still able to walk but with great difficulty. Within ten minutes Subject 01 “Died” from severe hemorrhaging.
Subject 02: (DECEASED)
Subject 02 was killed in a previous test, remains incinerated.
Subject 02 was killed in a previous test, remains incinerated.
Subject 03: shot to abdomen
The shot into the abdomen had no effect on 03’s stance. The wound is bleeding. Around fifteen to twenty minutes later, 03 “Died” from severe hemorrhaging.
The shot into the abdomen had no effect on 03’s stance. The wound is bleeding. Around fifteen to twenty minutes later, 03 “Died” from severe hemorrhaging.
Subject 04: shot to chest
Subject 04 was shot directly in the chest and staggered around for a minute before collapsing to the ground and “Died”. The shot hit 04 in the heart popping it like an “overfilled balloon”.
Subject 04 was shot directly in the chest and staggered around for a minute before collapsing to the ground and “Died”. The shot hit 04 in the heart popping it like an “overfilled balloon”.
Subject 05: shot to shoulder
The shot to the shoulder broke most of the connecting bones and sent blood spraying around the room, after a couple minutes 05 slumped against the wall dead. Please be advised to avoid using this part of the body as a target especially if you’re not wearing protective clothing.
The shot to the shoulder broke most of the connecting bones and sent blood spraying around the room, after a couple minutes 05 slumped against the wall dead. Please be advised to avoid using this part of the body as a target especially if you’re not wearing protective clothing.
Subject 06: shot to back (Spine)
The shot was well placed and 06 seemed to have become completely paralyzed. Subject 06 was shot again to ensure death.
The shot was well placed and 06 seemed to have become completely paralyzed. Subject 06 was shot again to ensure death.
Subject 07: shot to neck
Subject 07 was shot in the throat area, like the shoulder test, massive blood loss occurred followed by death a few minutes later. Again, this may be a target area to avoid.
Subject 07 was shot in the throat area, like the shoulder test, massive blood loss occurred followed by death a few minutes later. Again, this may be a target area to avoid.
Subject 08: shot to head
08 was shot just in the inner corner of their right eye, the resulting shot sent skull and brain matter in multiple directions. Death was instantaneous and blood loss was great.
08 was shot just in the inner corner of their right eye, the resulting shot sent skull and brain matter in multiple directions. Death was instantaneous and blood loss was great.
Subject 09: shot to lower back
The result of the shot was the same as Subject 06 except instead of complete paralysis of the entire body, 09 only lost the use from the waist down. Subject 09 was shot again to ensure death.
The result of the shot was the same as Subject 06 except instead of complete paralysis of the entire body, 09 only lost the use from the waist down. Subject 09 was shot again to ensure death.
Subject 10: Multiple shots
An entire 19 round clip was shot at Subject 10’s torso. The shots hit in a variety of visceral locations resulting in bleeding from all wounds. Upon the SEAL’s input and review of test footage it was agreed that Subject 10 died from blood filling its lungs.
An entire 19 round clip was shot at Subject 10’s torso. The shots hit in a variety of visceral locations resulting in bleeding from all wounds. Upon the SEAL’s input and review of test footage it was agreed that Subject 10 died from blood filling its lungs.
OTHER METHODS TEST
In this series of tests the subjects are either chained against a wall like the firearm subjects or place in specialty made devises (Subject 12, 13, 18 and 19)
Subject 11: Blunt force
Subject 11 was struck in the head repeatedly with a wooden sledgehammer handle (hammer removed). The subject was knocked off balance before the repeated blows caused massive internal brain hemorrhaging resulting in Subject 11’s death.
Subject 11 was struck in the head repeatedly with a wooden sledgehammer handle (hammer removed). The subject was knocked off balance before the repeated blows caused massive internal brain hemorrhaging resulting in Subject 11’s death.
Subject 12: Drowning
Subject 12 for this test was restrained to a board that was tilted into a tub of water. After a few minutes Subject 12 drowned (the virus causes the infected to breathe faster than normal) from almost voluntarily inhaling water.
Subject 12 for this test was restrained to a board that was tilted into a tub of water. After a few minutes Subject 12 drowned (the virus causes the infected to breathe faster than normal) from almost voluntarily inhaling water.
Subject 13: Severing Spinal chord
Subject 13 was placed face down onto an operating table and restrained. Dr. (Name withheld) used a scalpel and carefully dissected the back of Subject 13’s neck and located the spinal cord in the neck and cut it. Shortly if not immediately after the cord in the neck was being severed, Subject 13 died.
Subject 13 was placed face down onto an operating table and restrained. Dr. (Name withheld) used a scalpel and carefully dissected the back of Subject 13’s neck and located the spinal cord in the neck and cut it. Shortly if not immediately after the cord in the neck was being severed, Subject 13 died.
Subject 14: Electrocution
A metal pole that was connected by wires to a generator was placed against Subject 14’s head before electricity was introduced. As a result the subject died but it took a while and the matter in which they died would not be advisable since after Subject 14’s eyes exploded, blood shot out in a fountain like manner.
A metal pole that was connected by wires to a generator was placed against Subject 14’s head before electricity was introduced. As a result the subject died but it took a while and the matter in which they died would not be advisable since after Subject 14’s eyes exploded, blood shot out in a fountain like manner.
Subject 15: Stabbing
Subject 15 was stabbed repeatedly in the abdomen and chest. After about fifteen minutes 15 died from massive internal bleeding.
Subject 15 was stabbed repeatedly in the abdomen and chest. After about fifteen minutes 15 died from massive internal bleeding.
Subject 16: fire
The SEAL used a Flame thrower on Subject 16. The result showed that the flames did not seem to cause pain for 16 but after a couple minutes Subject 16 dropped down. Further examination showed that the heat from the flames burned out 16’s lungs resulting in death.
The SEAL used a Flame thrower on Subject 16. The result showed that the flames did not seem to cause pain for 16 but after a couple minutes Subject 16 dropped down. Further examination showed that the heat from the flames burned out 16’s lungs resulting in death.
Subject 17: Chemical Agents
A canister of (Chemical agent name withheld) was placed in the room with Subject 17. The same chemical agent was used before on Subject 31 (the pygmy goat). The result was nearly the same except that Subject 17 violently vomited bile and blood before succumbing to the gas.
A canister of (Chemical agent name withheld) was placed in the room with Subject 17. The same chemical agent was used before on Subject 31 (the pygmy goat). The result was nearly the same except that Subject 17 violently vomited bile and blood before succumbing to the gas.
Subject 18: suffocation
Subject was restrained in a chair as the SEAL put a heavy plastic bag over its head and tying the bottom of the bag shut. After a few minutes the Subject died. Note that the subject did not react to not being able to breathe and did not seem to struggle.
Subject was restrained in a chair as the SEAL put a heavy plastic bag over its head and tying the bottom of the bag shut. After a few minutes the Subject died. Note that the subject did not react to not being able to breathe and did not seem to struggle.
Subject 19: severing limb
Subject 19 was restrained to an operating table before the experiment begun. Dr (name withheld) performed the task of amputating Subject 19’s arm below the elbow. As a result the blood loss was massive and death occurred in minutes.
Subject 19 was restrained to an operating table before the experiment begun. Dr (name withheld) performed the task of amputating Subject 19’s arm below the elbow. As a result the blood loss was massive and death occurred in minutes.
RESULTS OF WEAPONS TESTS
All methods tested have proved that the infected can be neutralized by any means given if you are a soldier with firearms or a civilian who made a weapon out of anything. What aides in the death of the infected is the fact that their circulatory system working abnormally quicker than when they were not infected. Because of the raised blood pressure and fast heartbeats, blood loss was fast and to put it bluntly, extreme. With that fact it is advised that if there is going to be an engagement with the infected, given what was witnessed during the testing, it is advised that any and all contact with the infected be done at a reasonable distance in order to avoid contact with the large amounts of blood that the infected loses. Chemical agents can be used but given the unknown number of survivors within the infected zones, they would have no chance of surviving a chemical attack. Dr. (name withheld) will report (gender withheld) findings to the rest of the research team shortly. As of the remains of Subjects 01-19, the remains have been incinerated. Any and all blood that was lost by the subjects have been collected in the specialized drainage compartments and will be mixed with an acid based solution before being mixed with absorbing compounds that will in turn be incinerated as well.
DR. (name withheld)’s UVW (ULTRAVIOLET WEAPON) RESEARCH
Weeks before the decision was made to perform weapons testing on the infected subjects I discovered something by accident. One night I went to observe how the infected moved in complete darkness, in order for me to see them in the dark I had to wear night vision equipment. After turning on the Infrared (IR) light, the subjects I was observing reared back from the invisible light, practically falling over in order to escape the light! Upon further tries it was concluded that for some reason, the infected cannot stand infrared or ultraviolet lights. I remember back when I was at University I helped a classmate on a project for Ultraviolet Germicidal Irradiation (UVGI), a process in which Ultraviolet light is used in short wavelengths to kill microorganisms in water, food, air and surfaces. I have taken samples of the Virus to test out and see how a large number of the viruses would react if exposed to UV light.
As I hoped, it was a success! I took a culture dish loaded with virus cells and exposed it for a couple seconds to an intensified wavelength of Ultraviolet Light and looked at the viral cells under an electron microscope. As expected the mutated “Repairing cell” that acts like Protein 53 (or P53) was severely damaged that it could not send repairing cells to rebuild it, thus the Virus was forced to shut down or Apoptosis (Programmed cell death)! The viruses in the culture were all affected by the light and died off within minutes. In preparation if this was a success, I had a finger of one of the subjects that was part of a group of other infected subjects I borrowed from the main group (Subjects 20-29 were used in these tests) to be put under the UV light beam I made. The result showed that the virus cells in the finger were destroyed by the light that passed through the finger entirely. The only issue with the test was that the finger gave the look that it was sun burned, a test with a larger light with the same power should be performed on an actual subject.
With further aide we were able to make a larger source for the UV light, an old spotlight, the kind the Navy uses to signal ships. Modifications were made by building a external battery that connects to the light that both powers the UV bulb inside as well as an automated lenses (like the kind you see in video cameras) that will help make the invisible beam be shot from a greater distance (unlike the normal UV lamps that needs to be up close, this beam can send the light out farther). The subject to be tested on is the same one that we got the finger from, Subject 22. 22 was restrained against a wall with chains and the spotlight was set up about 35 feet away, for this test we modified a remote system that will turn on the spotlight while all that’s involved will be in the observation room in case of any malfunctions. The beam was activated for a seven second “Burst”. I will admit the test looked relatively boring but soon one of my colleagues noticed that the paint on the wall behind 22 was cracking! Thankfully the timer shut off the spotlight before anymore damage was done to the wall. Subject 22 on the other hand looked normal except for having some sunburn.
Not long after the test ended, Subject 22 died! A sample of 22’s blood was taken for analysis and the results showed that the virus was no longer present in (subject’s gender withheld) blood! Upon further analysis many toxins were present in the blood, a byproduct of the viruses death flooded 22’s body with poison. The results excited those who wished to weaponize this discovery for possibly attaching a beam like this to UAVs (Unmanned Aerial Vehicle) and fly over infected areas shedding the UV beam down onto the hoards of infected. The idea sounds like a good course of action, this would prevent any ground forces to come into contact with the infected, but at the same time this beam could potentially cause radiation poisoning on a larger scale. Not only is radiation poisoning a possibility but the damage from the beam would not only affect the infected individuals as well.
The beam will also kill plant life on a large scale, fields of crops and forests would become wastelands and lush fields of grass would become dirt. Insects and wildlife would be affected as well and die off in mass numbers. The massive die off would spread disease that would cause massive outbreaks of illnesses among survivors and that leads me to that, the survivors, if any in the areas that these beams of light (that has the capability to pass through brick and cement we just found out) can in fact cause a massive die off of survivors. The loss of life would be beyond that of the infection caused by “White Fever”, people who are waiting inside a building for help to arrive would be dead long before anyone finds them. I know if further research is conducted on the possibility of weaponized UV light we could beat back the infected but unfortunately we do not have the time, if time can be given we may have a chance of developing a better weapon system using this method.
If we cannot use the light as a weapon, I know we can use it as a deterrent against the infected. The infrared light which causes pain in the infected while before the infected showed no sign of feeling pain! I am currently developing a system that can use IR lights against the infected while at the same time is safe for human survivors. The method is to set up smaller IR lamps onto a frame, for example scaffolding or cement barriers, the beam of light having the capability to go well over 200 feet so the infected can be held at bay and allow non infected survivors to approach evacuation checkpoints safely. I do believe that someone who has contracted the “White Fever” would have the same reaction to the IR light as the infected does. If anything if this method works to use IR light as an invisible wall against the infected we may have a greater chance of saving lives.
As I hoped, it was a success! I took a culture dish loaded with virus cells and exposed it for a couple seconds to an intensified wavelength of Ultraviolet Light and looked at the viral cells under an electron microscope. As expected the mutated “Repairing cell” that acts like Protein 53 (or P53) was severely damaged that it could not send repairing cells to rebuild it, thus the Virus was forced to shut down or Apoptosis (Programmed cell death)! The viruses in the culture were all affected by the light and died off within minutes. In preparation if this was a success, I had a finger of one of the subjects that was part of a group of other infected subjects I borrowed from the main group (Subjects 20-29 were used in these tests) to be put under the UV light beam I made. The result showed that the virus cells in the finger were destroyed by the light that passed through the finger entirely. The only issue with the test was that the finger gave the look that it was sun burned, a test with a larger light with the same power should be performed on an actual subject.
With further aide we were able to make a larger source for the UV light, an old spotlight, the kind the Navy uses to signal ships. Modifications were made by building a external battery that connects to the light that both powers the UV bulb inside as well as an automated lenses (like the kind you see in video cameras) that will help make the invisible beam be shot from a greater distance (unlike the normal UV lamps that needs to be up close, this beam can send the light out farther). The subject to be tested on is the same one that we got the finger from, Subject 22. 22 was restrained against a wall with chains and the spotlight was set up about 35 feet away, for this test we modified a remote system that will turn on the spotlight while all that’s involved will be in the observation room in case of any malfunctions. The beam was activated for a seven second “Burst”. I will admit the test looked relatively boring but soon one of my colleagues noticed that the paint on the wall behind 22 was cracking! Thankfully the timer shut off the spotlight before anymore damage was done to the wall. Subject 22 on the other hand looked normal except for having some sunburn.
Not long after the test ended, Subject 22 died! A sample of 22’s blood was taken for analysis and the results showed that the virus was no longer present in (subject’s gender withheld) blood! Upon further analysis many toxins were present in the blood, a byproduct of the viruses death flooded 22’s body with poison. The results excited those who wished to weaponize this discovery for possibly attaching a beam like this to UAVs (Unmanned Aerial Vehicle) and fly over infected areas shedding the UV beam down onto the hoards of infected. The idea sounds like a good course of action, this would prevent any ground forces to come into contact with the infected, but at the same time this beam could potentially cause radiation poisoning on a larger scale. Not only is radiation poisoning a possibility but the damage from the beam would not only affect the infected individuals as well.
The beam will also kill plant life on a large scale, fields of crops and forests would become wastelands and lush fields of grass would become dirt. Insects and wildlife would be affected as well and die off in mass numbers. The massive die off would spread disease that would cause massive outbreaks of illnesses among survivors and that leads me to that, the survivors, if any in the areas that these beams of light (that has the capability to pass through brick and cement we just found out) can in fact cause a massive die off of survivors. The loss of life would be beyond that of the infection caused by “White Fever”, people who are waiting inside a building for help to arrive would be dead long before anyone finds them. I know if further research is conducted on the possibility of weaponized UV light we could beat back the infected but unfortunately we do not have the time, if time can be given we may have a chance of developing a better weapon system using this method.
If we cannot use the light as a weapon, I know we can use it as a deterrent against the infected. The infrared light which causes pain in the infected while before the infected showed no sign of feeling pain! I am currently developing a system that can use IR lights against the infected while at the same time is safe for human survivors. The method is to set up smaller IR lamps onto a frame, for example scaffolding or cement barriers, the beam of light having the capability to go well over 200 feet so the infected can be held at bay and allow non infected survivors to approach evacuation checkpoints safely. I do believe that someone who has contracted the “White Fever” would have the same reaction to the IR light as the infected does. If anything if this method works to use IR light as an invisible wall against the infected we may have a greater chance of saving lives.
PERSONAL ENTRIES
Dr. (name withheld)’s research involving the use of UV and IR lighting sounds promising, it’s just disheartening that the use of UV lights to kill the virus on a larger scale is unlikely, at least if we know that we can purify drinking water if there is a risk of the contagion. It’s been about three weeks since the last of the infected subjects were disposed of, now there are no more Reanimates on the Oxide. We have got word that Dr. (name withheld)’s IR light barrier was put into production and is already being used in (city name withheld) with positive results. Sadly there was a development involving the SEAL team that was on the ship with us during some of the tests. The team went on a mission to evacuate an embassy in (country name withheld), about sixteen SEALS went in and only four came back alive. The mission overall was a failure with only the SEALS leaving the embassy. The methods in fighting the infected worked fine but as one of the SEALS said, “There are many of them and only so much ammo.”
Turns out with a small number of infected (about 20 at most) would be suitable for a couple SEALs but when you are up against 100+ hungry infected people, you can only do so much. With the information gathered by the research team and the firsthand accounts from many surviving military forces in the infected zones the Pentagon says it found something that may be simple yet effective. Rumors are amongst some of the higher ranking officials that it is something called the “Redoubt” project that developed after the Terrorist attack at the 1972 Munich Olympics. I remember back when I worked at the Pentagon in (Year withheld) it was a combined military project that was developed by Germany, Japan, The United States and Great Britain. The idea was eventually terminated because many thought it to be an “Excessive” show of force during a peaceful event. I don’t know much of the specifics of the project but I heard it was radical at the time. I think radical methods are in need right now.
Turns out with a small number of infected (about 20 at most) would be suitable for a couple SEALs but when you are up against 100+ hungry infected people, you can only do so much. With the information gathered by the research team and the firsthand accounts from many surviving military forces in the infected zones the Pentagon says it found something that may be simple yet effective. Rumors are amongst some of the higher ranking officials that it is something called the “Redoubt” project that developed after the Terrorist attack at the 1972 Munich Olympics. I remember back when I worked at the Pentagon in (Year withheld) it was a combined military project that was developed by Germany, Japan, The United States and Great Britain. The idea was eventually terminated because many thought it to be an “Excessive” show of force during a peaceful event. I don’t know much of the specifics of the project but I heard it was radical at the time. I think radical methods are in need right now.
PERSONAL ENTRIES OF COLONEL (Name withheld)
The results of “Project Oxide” were a necessary evil to battle a greater one. The scientists will be debriefed and be sent back to (Location withheld) till security checks have been made of all personal writings to ensure nothing prematurely slips out to the media. As of right now Project Oxide is over and the Redoubt Project will commence. The Redoubt project is building a redoubt like structure in the middle of a city at a moment’s notice that houses at least a dozen soldiers and enough equipment and supplies that would last for months. A successful construction of one of these Redoubts was done back in (date withheld) and completed in less than three days. The method sounds complex which back then was but with the advances we have now, it’s more possible. And with what I saw in the newly drawn up plans for one of these redoubts I think we may have a fighting chance.
The first step is to pick where the base of the cylindrical building will go, once the area is marked off and cleared the walls will be set down by use of helicopters, the walls will act as protection for the engineers who will be placed inside the walls of the structure and dig into a water supply (in this case the city’s water supply) to provide drinking water and use of toilet facilities to make life inside the redoubt pleasant. A subterranean tunnel system where generators, air filters and water purification systems will be set up, most of the work in this section will be electrical. After the lower half of the redoubt is finished, the other layers will be placed onto the base and be locked together with a decouple type system that you see on the old NASA rockets. Once they are attached the internal wiring and construction will begin. After the internal construction is complete and the top is put on (a helipad and radio tower) and with time to spare more necessities would be built (Garage, working area, small gym etc.).
Once the redoubt is built, it will now be ready for soldiers to live inside. There will be a living quarters where the soldiers will have bunks and storage for personal items. Leading to the garage will be a small armory (the larger armory is one level above them). There is a kitchen area with showers and toilets next to it. Outside there are areas where the soldiers can fight from up on the redoubt without ever having to leave the tower, ideal for this situation. The purpose that the soldiers inside these towers serve is to bait the Reanimates away from evacuation sites that will be using IR lights which were found to be a great deterrent against the Reanimates. Once the Reanimates are dealt with and if the area is clear, the men inside can dispose of the bodies (a new team of researchers are developing a method at this moment.)
Almost four weeks passed since my last entry, one redoubt has been built successfully and Reanimates are attracted to them! A few more are being built and a selection process is underway as many volunteers from surviving nations are biting at the chance to be a crew in one of these tower fortresses. I almost forgot, with the success and with approval by the United Nations this is now an official military operation, Operation Outpost. The redoubts will now be called “Outposts” since they are being built far away from the evacuation sites to ensure that the Reanimates will travel far away and hopefully sniff out the towers. A request was made by the crew in the one outpost to give their tower a name, figure why the hell not. They call their outpost “Fort Gold Hammer”, one of the men who’s a New Zealander on the crew got promoted and will be sent to command an outpost of his own, and again I forgot to mention that the crews of the outposts are multinational.
The first step is to pick where the base of the cylindrical building will go, once the area is marked off and cleared the walls will be set down by use of helicopters, the walls will act as protection for the engineers who will be placed inside the walls of the structure and dig into a water supply (in this case the city’s water supply) to provide drinking water and use of toilet facilities to make life inside the redoubt pleasant. A subterranean tunnel system where generators, air filters and water purification systems will be set up, most of the work in this section will be electrical. After the lower half of the redoubt is finished, the other layers will be placed onto the base and be locked together with a decouple type system that you see on the old NASA rockets. Once they are attached the internal wiring and construction will begin. After the internal construction is complete and the top is put on (a helipad and radio tower) and with time to spare more necessities would be built (Garage, working area, small gym etc.).
Once the redoubt is built, it will now be ready for soldiers to live inside. There will be a living quarters where the soldiers will have bunks and storage for personal items. Leading to the garage will be a small armory (the larger armory is one level above them). There is a kitchen area with showers and toilets next to it. Outside there are areas where the soldiers can fight from up on the redoubt without ever having to leave the tower, ideal for this situation. The purpose that the soldiers inside these towers serve is to bait the Reanimates away from evacuation sites that will be using IR lights which were found to be a great deterrent against the Reanimates. Once the Reanimates are dealt with and if the area is clear, the men inside can dispose of the bodies (a new team of researchers are developing a method at this moment.)
Almost four weeks passed since my last entry, one redoubt has been built successfully and Reanimates are attracted to them! A few more are being built and a selection process is underway as many volunteers from surviving nations are biting at the chance to be a crew in one of these tower fortresses. I almost forgot, with the success and with approval by the United Nations this is now an official military operation, Operation Outpost. The redoubts will now be called “Outposts” since they are being built far away from the evacuation sites to ensure that the Reanimates will travel far away and hopefully sniff out the towers. A request was made by the crew in the one outpost to give their tower a name, figure why the hell not. They call their outpost “Fort Gold Hammer”, one of the men who’s a New Zealander on the crew got promoted and will be sent to command an outpost of his own, and again I forgot to mention that the crews of the outposts are multinational.
END OF ENTRIES
A month after the Colonel’s last entry an incident occurred at Fort Gold Hammer where all but one of the soldiers stationed in the outpost died. According to the surviving soldier, one soldier left the outpost and wandered off into the night and was most likely killed by Reanimates. The others started to become paranoid that one among them was infected while a couple of the others stopped talking in general. The malice reached a breaking point when all the men engaged in a massive fire fight within the outpost itself. A distressed call was made and a rescue crew arrived and found the survivor hiding in the underground tunnel emaciated while his comrades bodies were left in the upper level. In the radio room a soldier was found with the radio but further investigation showed that he was dead for three weeks and has not moved from the spot he died.
While being questioned the soldier insists he was not the one who made the call. He said he hid in the tunnels after killing one of the other soldiers with a pipe wrench and did not move till he was found. Upon further questioning the surviving soldier said that they were not alone inside the outpost and that some of the other soldiers changed after a while and he began to hear voices of people he did not know talk to him. These claims were chalked up to the thoughts of someone who was suffering from an aggressive case of Mass shellshock or Mass Posttraumatic stress from the killings of Reanimates which may have played a role in why all the soldiers inside Gold Hammer turned on one another.
A massive cleanup operation was done by a cleanup team who fixed all damages to the interior and remodeled the inside to make the outpost more “Soldier Friendly”. The crew later reported that they refused to sleep inside the outpost but set up a camp on the helipad outside because they started to feel that they were being watched while they were inside limiting the amount of time inside the outpost to work only. When the work crew left by helicopter, a couple men saw someone standing in front of a window looking out as they left. At this time Fort Gold Hammer is sitting abandoned, in time a new crew will be assigned to man the outpost and see if the rumor of the haunted outpost is just a rumor or horrifically true.
While being questioned the soldier insists he was not the one who made the call. He said he hid in the tunnels after killing one of the other soldiers with a pipe wrench and did not move till he was found. Upon further questioning the surviving soldier said that they were not alone inside the outpost and that some of the other soldiers changed after a while and he began to hear voices of people he did not know talk to him. These claims were chalked up to the thoughts of someone who was suffering from an aggressive case of Mass shellshock or Mass Posttraumatic stress from the killings of Reanimates which may have played a role in why all the soldiers inside Gold Hammer turned on one another.
A massive cleanup operation was done by a cleanup team who fixed all damages to the interior and remodeled the inside to make the outpost more “Soldier Friendly”. The crew later reported that they refused to sleep inside the outpost but set up a camp on the helipad outside because they started to feel that they were being watched while they were inside limiting the amount of time inside the outpost to work only. When the work crew left by helicopter, a couple men saw someone standing in front of a window looking out as they left. At this time Fort Gold Hammer is sitting abandoned, in time a new crew will be assigned to man the outpost and see if the rumor of the haunted outpost is just a rumor or horrifically true.
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